Recently my news feed has been blowing up with articles about Baylor and Title IX. For those who are not familiar with Title IX, it is a nation-wide amendment that protects any and all victims of sexual assault. Baylor has gotten a bad rep for the number of rape allegations that have been coming forward lately. I used to go to Baylor...in fact I was in love with the school and the faculty there. This post isn't about another rape allegation, nor does it in any way have anything to do with the sexual assault victims at Baylor. This is about my personal experience at Baylor and why I left.
I first visited Baylor the summer before my senior year. I had heard a lot of great things about the school and at the time was looking for a christian school where I could grow in Christ and in my studies. Baylor is located in small town Waco--a quaint city where everyone seems to love Baylor. Every restaurant there flaunts their green and gold and homecoming week there is covered in nothing but Baylor spirit. The campus was gorgeous, not only was it also sporting it's own colors, but it had the most unique features: a bear habitat, an amazing 4-level library, and a beautiful newly built science building. These were just a few of the highlights I fell in love with. By the time I was getting ready for move in week, I was beyond excited. The staff and students during welcome week truly did make me feel welcome and I was super excited to fling my green and gold at the first homecoming game. I had great memories from the first couple months: I met tons of people with different stories, I started attending a church with a couple close friends, and I was doing relatively well in my studies.
However, something happened when I came back for my second semester freshman year. My depression and anxiety started to kick in and I was worst than I'd ever been. I started locking myself in my room and not coming out for days on end. I skipped church and would come up with the stupidest excuses for my peers about why I wasn't in class or why I didn't show up for lunch. I even stopped eating and failed a class for attendance. It got pretty bad and by the end of the semester I was a mess and needed medical help. I came back home over the summer and met with my doctor, I was put on medication and set up with counseling sessions. These sessions did little to nothing to helping me so I decided to rely solely on my medication. I was already dreading going back in the fall but I had already registered and had already dedicated myself to welcome week festivities. So, before I knew it I was packing up again and moving back down to Waco. I thought this year was gonna be different, I was living in an apartment with my own room and had classes that I was really looking forward to. But my positive attitude shortly turned south as I was thrown back in the system that made me miserable... I developed insomnia and would go days to a week without any sleep. I reverted to staying in my room and only leaving for showers and a quick snack and then it was back to my room where I sat on my bed and cried.
I finally decided to reach out to Baylor health services and seek counseling. This proved to be a poor decision as I was quickly scorned for my medication use and told to "seek help from the Lord through prayer." I neglected to tell the counselor that prayer could only help me so much. But I found myself once again helpless. My one attempt at getting help and I was told that my current methods of helping myself were not christian. I kept my mental illnesses to myself for the most part. The few friends I did tell didn't approve of my methods either. By this time I had completely lost faith in myself and my beliefs.
I ended up leaving after that semester. While a few of my professors begged me to reconsider I had already made up my mind. It took me until after I had left and gotten into a routine counseling treatment that I finally realized why I left. I never felt welcome there like they made it sound during my orientation and welcome week. I felt like I had to hide who I truly was and put on a facade based on everyone around me. I'm gonna be honest, I was scared to show the people there who I really was and I was scared that I would be looked down upon for my past actions. To this day I cannot go days without medication and still seek help. I am in a good place now, I have a job that I love and friends who adore me! I'm now taking classes in a major that I truly have a passion for.
I left Baylor because it wasn't the right fit for me and I urge everyone reading this to leave something or somewhere if you don't truly love and have a passion for it.
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