Why I left Baylor...and why you should too

Recently my news feed has been blowing up with articles about Baylor and Title IX. For those who are not familiar with Title IX, it is a nation-wide amendment that protects any and all victims of sexual assault. Baylor has gotten a bad rep for the number of rape allegations that have been coming forward lately. I used to go to Baylor...in fact I was in love with the school and the faculty there. This post isn't about another rape allegation, nor does it in any way have anything to do with the sexual assault victims at Baylor. This is about my personal experience at Baylor and why I left.

I first visited Baylor the summer before my senior year. I had heard a lot of great things about the school and at the time was looking for a christian school where I could grow in Christ and in my studies. Baylor is located in small town Waco--a quaint city where everyone seems to love Baylor. Every restaurant there flaunts their green and gold and homecoming week there is covered in nothing but Baylor spirit. The campus was gorgeous, not only was it also sporting it's own colors, but it had the most unique features: a bear habitat, an amazing 4-level library, and a beautiful newly built science building. These were just a few of the highlights I fell in love with. By the time I was getting ready for move in week, I was beyond excited. The staff and students during welcome week truly did make me feel welcome and I was super excited to fling my green and gold at the first homecoming game. I had great memories from the first couple months: I met tons of people with different stories, I started attending a church with a couple close friends, and I was doing relatively well in my studies.

However, something happened when I came back for my second semester freshman year. My depression and anxiety started to kick in and I was worst than I'd ever been. I started locking myself in my room and not coming out for days on end. I skipped church and would come up with the stupidest excuses for my peers about why I wasn't in class or why I didn't show up for lunch. I even stopped eating and failed a class for attendance. It got pretty bad and by the end of the semester I was a mess and needed medical help. I came back home over the summer and met with my doctor, I was put on medication and set up with counseling sessions. These sessions did little to nothing to helping me so I decided to rely solely on my medication. I was already dreading going back in the fall but I had already registered and had already dedicated myself to welcome week festivities. So, before I knew it I was packing up again and moving back down to Waco. I thought this year was gonna be different, I was living in an apartment with my own room and had classes that I was really looking forward to. But my positive attitude shortly turned south as I was thrown back in the system that made me miserable... I developed insomnia and would go days to a week without any sleep. I reverted to staying in my room and only leaving for showers and a quick snack and then it was back to my room where I sat on my bed and cried.

I finally decided to reach out to Baylor health services and seek counseling. This proved to be a poor decision as I was quickly scorned for my medication use and told to "seek help from the Lord through prayer." I neglected to tell the counselor that prayer could only help me so much. But I found myself once again helpless. My one attempt at getting help and I was told that my current methods of helping myself were not christian. I kept my mental illnesses to myself for the most part. The few friends I did tell didn't approve of my methods either. By this time I had completely lost faith in myself and my beliefs.

I ended up leaving after that semester. While a few of my professors begged me to reconsider I had already made up my mind. It took me until after I had left and gotten into a routine counseling treatment that I finally realized why I left. I never felt welcome there like they made it sound during my orientation and welcome week. I felt like I had to hide who I truly was and put on a facade based on everyone around me. I'm gonna be honest, I was scared to show the people there who I really was and I was scared that I would be looked down upon for my past actions. To this day I cannot go days without medication and still seek help. I am in a good place now, I have a job that I love and friends who adore me! I'm now taking classes in a major that I truly have a passion for.

I left Baylor because it wasn't the right fit for me and I urge everyone reading this to leave something or somewhere if you don't truly love and have a passion for it.

The Flaw with Higher Education: What I wish I knew going in to college...

It's my sophomore year of college and I find myself looking back and regretting everything I've done while in college. I regret the choice I made, the reasons why I made that choice, and the decisions I've made since I've been in college. I came to terms this year that I chose Baylor because it's a big name school-- and that's all that mattered to me in high school. I've already changed my major and I'm still not sure I'm in a major that I'm 100% interested in. The problem with society is that it paints this unrealistic picture that everyone should graduate high school and go straight into college to get a degree and potentially get a high-paying job. 

Yesterday, I read a post by my friend about why she wished she hadn't gone to college, and I wholeheartedly agreed with it. Life just seems like one big competition where people work their butts off and in 30 years look back and realize they didn't accomplish anything they had planned to. Remember in elementary school when teachers would ask us to draw or write down our goals and aspirations for the future, you write a letter to yourself or make a bucket list and when you look back at it you realize that you can't cross anything off of it. Why is money and wealth and success the main root of our happiness? Shouldn't we be finding happiness in exploring? Going out and traveling--maybe trying something new? 

Okay...so maybe some people have their lives figured out and medical school was always a part of their future, but I'm here in college, wasting time and money still fiddling around not knowing what I want to do with my life. There's still so many places I want to travel to, so many different things I want to experience and try, and I still have to figure out myself and my purpose. 

Personally, I think higher education shouldn't be rushed. My advisor was pressuring me to cram classes into my schedule for next year so that I could still "graduate on time." Why is there always a time limit? Can't I just sit back and enjoy the view? 

This post seems very bleak and down, but I assure you there are still many positives to higher education--just make sure that you're doing it for you and not because society pushes it on you. If I could go back, I would have made a different choice, I would have stayed in state, I would have chosen a less costly school, and I would have taken some more time figuring out what I wanted to pursue as potential majors. 

I have three younger sisters, one of them is a junior looking into colleges for herself. I wish I had an older sibling who could have given me advice about being grown up. It's not all it's cut out to be-- I should have enjoyed high school more, taken advantage of opportunities that were thrown my way and tried new things but instead I was too worried about my GPA and graduation cords. 

We're not defined by the grades we make or the amount of money we have, but we are defined by the kind of people we end up as based on the experiences and stories we created for ourselves. My story may have some bumps and dips, but everyone's does and those bumps and dips and detours lead us to where we are going and define the choices and lessons we learn in life. So honestly, I may regret a lot, but I wouldn't go back and erase any of it because it has given me the knowledge and value that I put on education and success in general. 

Be Okay

Let's talk about the tough stuff...The other day I was scrolling through my facebook and Instagram accounts and taking in everything that everyone else has: Why is it that social media is our biggest competitor? I know I'm talking to everyone when I say that pictures, videos, and status' are the biggest forms of degradation in our lives. We log on, scroll through our newsfeed, scroll past graduation photos, and status' that make us eel worthless and lower than we are.
Today I pulled up my facebook out of pure boredom, I scanned through my newsfeed and within a few posts I found myself sifting through high school graduation photos. Even though I graduated over a year ago, I'm finding myself over a year later, still envying my friends who got another year to make their high school experience the best. And it's not that my high school experience was even awful. I've just found ways for my life to seem not as interesting as others.
This is not to say my life is boring in any way... Instead it's quite the opposite. I am now a sophomore at Baylor University where I am studying psychology in hopes to become a school counselor or family lawyer. But, there's still that envious feeling that I didn't trust my instinct when it mattered. These moments slip in and out when I feel like I've missed a big opportunity because of an impulsive choice. The biggest thing that I constantly remind myself is that God has a plan for me and that plan will work itself out in the end.
I recently saw the movie "God's Not Dead" in theaters. First off: it's incredible! I loved every second of it, I highly recommend it to ANYONE of any religious background. The part that really dug into my brain was a conversation between a man and his mother. His mother was suffering from amnesia and she was slowly deteriorating. Her successful son came to visit her on account of his sister. He sat there in anger watching his lifeless mother as she stared blankly into space and criticized her strong beliefs and faith for God. His life was supposedly perfect: successful career, lots of money, riches, immediate happiness while his mother prayed her whole life, believed and put every effort into being the best person she could be as a servant of God. Yet, here he sat, healthy and rich while his mother was dying before his eyes. While he questioned it, he didn't feel the need to change his behavior towards others, nor did he give his sister's text message a second thought about God.
So what can we take away from this movie? Life is crazy, it has unexpected turns and twists and not every moment can be joyous and happy like this generation seems to think it has to be. But in the end God has a plan for everyone and as faithful stewards of his, we have to trust that his plan will bring us more riches and happiness than we could ever imagine.
Ever notice that social media only showcases the extremes in our life? We are the ones who are in control of what we post and what other's see, so we mask our profiles to make people believe what they want to about us. Crazy enough, friends and followers still feed off the mask of other's lives and compare it to their own... Life can't be comparable. Each person is unique and each person has faults. Everyone messes up, every day can't be a perfect hair day or a day where nothing goes wrong... But everyday can be a day of celebrating God and celebrating how great it is to be alive and on this earth embracing the present and anticipating the bright future ahead.
The song I chose for this post is one of my favorites for this summer season. It's by a new band called Oh Honey. This song is called "Be Okay" and it's so perfect for this topic.

This song hits it spot on! I honestly have nothing to complain about: I have a great life, loving family, amazing friends, world class education, incredible opportunities, and God on my side. And with all of that my life is more than OKAY. 

My challenge is to find the positives in everything. Don't be the one scrolling through facebook envying everyone else: live for you! So what if you can't have the cute dress in the window of your favorite store? Or if you can't have the latest gadget that the media pushes its consumers to get. Life is amazing and God has our plans drawn out on a sketchpad. Trust in him and things will work out in time :)

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Lately I've been hearing a lot about slavery, human trafficking, and abuse victims. At Baylor alone I've heard so many people speak about these topics and the enormously sad number of victims that were and still are involved in all these sorts of forced labor. So I did a little research... Today, many of you have seen people with a red X drawn across their hand, I as well drew one on the back of mine, not because I've been out clubbing or raving or just for the heck of it, but because this is a mission all linked with the End It Movement*. Worldwide, today, February 27th is the "Shine a light on Slavery" day. The red X is to raise awareness of the 27 million people around the world still enslaved. Unfortunately, slavery is still a big problem in the world, and we can no longer ignore it...

Slavery is defined when one person has complete control over another person, may be using physical force, and the person being enslaved is neither being paid nor able to leave. From there, slavery can be defined under numerous subdivisions. A big awareness going around my school is human and sex trafficking. Trafficking is when a human being (usually young pre-teen, teen girls) is taken by force from their community and forced to work against their will with the use of deception, violence, and/or coercion. 

Today is the day to raise awareness about this, so I'm spreading the word! I hope you all have time to check out the End the Movement website here. I'm already signed on to get more involved, but this is a never ending process. Today is an awareness day, but after today this movement still needs people to fight against slavery. 

One of my most favorite songs is Oceans by Hillsong United. Their song is posted below. This song is so beautiful and I think it ties directly to this situation of slavery. God calls us all out to do something that we are unsure of and uncomfortable with at first. But as stewards of God's creation, it is out duty to listen to him call us each by name and listen wholeheartedly to what he wants each of us to achieve. Me? I'm not exactly sure my definite path, but I know that I'm one step closer by attending Baylor, and another step closer to getting my Psychology degree and from there, I will just see what God has for me. 

If you got a chance to listen to the song and loved it as much as I do, I wanted to comment a little on the meaning. I've been so filled up with God's spirit and love. And I feel like part of my calling is to draw more people to the attraction that God creates. He says in Matthew 18:20 'Where two or three of you are gathered, I am there also" and again in Hebrews 11, the topic of faith in Jesus is explored. In order to stand up against slavery, we must allow God to work within us in ways that may take away our comfort zones in order to deepen our faith. I believe that God has worked wonders on many people who have gone out and done something about slavery. One woman who comes to mind is Nicole Bromley. She visited Baylor and told everyone her incredible story of growing deeper within God's will and helping so many families in third world countries to become educated on the dangers of human traffickers. She is one of my idols, her story and mission spoke volumes to me and I hope to achieve the work that she has been able to accomplish. One person can make a difference, think what ONE MILLION people could do! 

CHALLENGE: Get involved, dive deeper into God's faith and trust him with something, whether it be opening the Bible and reading through Hebrews 11 or going online to one of the links about slavery and trafficking (I've placed a few in this post) or getting more involved and reading more about slavery, helping the movement to end. This is something bigger than us, and it cannot afford to be ignored anymore. 

*Click here to learn more about the end it movement and get involved!

#enditmovement #shinealightonslavery #onevoice

Everybody

Good Afternoon everyone!
If anyone reading this is as crazed and stressed out with assignments or work or just anything...I totally relate. I pulled my first all-nighter in college earlier this week but I can still say that I absolutely love the whole college experience. Again, I'm going to advertise schools...because I know a lot of you out there are looking into different schools around this time of year. Baylor University in Waco, TX folks! Perfect atmosphere, friendly faces, incredible campus, sunny all the time, here's the link to the school! Check it out! http://www.baylor.edu/.
One thing I've noticed is the immense use of technology used on campus, which makes sense since we're living in the technological age where everything is easily accessible at our fingertips. But is this making us all a little more lazy and a lot less productive? Possibly. Now we can do homework, stream Netflix, listen to iTunes, surf Facebook all at once on the same device...this could be the reason so many kids drop out after their freshman year. In one of my classes we're learning the art of rhetoric, which sounds boring, and I'll admit, some of the speeches I've read out of my Plato books have done a fabulous job at putting me to sleep. But Socrates points something out: that society is for the most part ignorant in the art of rhetoric. Rhetoricians-- people who were "professionally" spoke and gave speeches back then-- would list off anything they could make sound believable. Isn't that what society is like today? It's on the internet, heir-go it must be true! Except now a days it's the media just spilling out whatever it thinks will be accepted as credible.
At the same time, it seems like technology has made it easy to make anyone and everyone able to express whatever they want and sadly, many people will believe these less credible sources (Wikipedia, ask.com, etc...). For example, apps like facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr allow anyone with internet to post whatever they jolly well want to post. Right now, I'm blogging on a website public to anyone that cares to read it. For this reason, I think we've not only made a technological shift but we also have this need for people to constantly approve of what we have to say...

Ingrid Michaelson's song, Everybody hits on this idea of constantly looking for approval. "Everybody wants to love, everybody wants to be loved" it's true, we all post a status in hopes for the most "likes" constantly friending people to build up our audience and posting pictures on our Instagrams to get more followers. But is this really a bad thing? We're now living in a generation where everyone and anyone can be an artist. Youtube allows anyone with an account to upload a video in hopes to become the next "Justin Bieber." Instagram lets us take pictures and filter them to look spectacular. This can all be great at times, but we have to keep in mind why we initially post. Is it for some greater purpose? Is it harmful to others? Is it merely for fun? But the greater question to ask is "Do I still have room for God in my life?" This one is difficult because it's hard to balance out everything. We all want to be appreciated by someone, someone tangible, someone who we know and can physically see and hear. Sometimes God's appreciation for us all is overlooked because we live in such a materialistic world. We are constantly focused on pleasing society.
I found this to be a problem in high school especially. There's different groups people can fall in, and everyone wants to fit in. And then once you've established your group you feel the need to continually meet high standards to stay in this group. It's crazy! And all the time we're loved by the one person who really matters: God.
College is tough... not only did I have to learn to adjust to new living standards, but I was practically thrown into this pool with 3000 other students in my position and I had to learn to friend-making process all over again, like kindergarten. Except in kindergarten friends were made daily with the standards being low.
It's true, we all want to love and we all want to be loved. Just keep in mind that God's love is constant and he will always love us no matter what.

Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. 


My Challenge for everyone: Pray! As weird as it sounds, prayer can be challenging. A lot of questions about prayer come up...when do I pray? What do I pray about? Where is it acceptable to pray? The answer? ANYTHING is acceptable! Prayer doesn't have a set formula, just pray to God about anything that comes to mind! It's amazing what a few minutes of prayer will make you feel afterward, you'll truly feel the love for God and the love God has for everyone. Pray. Regret nothing.

Between the Raindrops

Hey everyone! I'm really trying to make these posts more of a habit and more frequently. I really appreciate everyone who takes a few quick minutes out of their busy schedules to read my posts and I really hope its worth it, I know that reading something "relatable" in my life can help me cope and get through whatever is going on--plus there's always a new song that you can listen to on my blog! :) I just learned today that I can actually upload the video to my blog... which makes it much more convenient.

Anyway, I've successfully completed my first week of college. And can I just say that it one of the most stressful, fun, amazing, crazy, social, hectic, enjoyable weeks I've ever had. Just the idea of being in charge and independent of your choices, your life, and your path is so great. It's the first time for many people that they are in total control of their actions and completely in charge of their path and choices to effect their future. For those of you looking into schools, whether it be undergrad or graduate, I'm going to advertise Baylor University. It's one of the most friendly, beautiful, christ-filled environments you can find. To me, it was really important that Christ be included in my college experience. Especially since college can get a little hectic at times, it always is good to be reminded that God is still with you through everything. My school has church services, bible studies, youth gatherings, and chapel all the time. And I love knowing that a relationship with Christ is something they really strive for all the students to have.

The other day in class, my professor had the class read an article on the major decisions made in college. It shocked me that a majority of students change their major 2-3 times during their undergrad years. Shocking in the fact that I've had a set plan and goal laid out for me since I was a sophomore in high school. I had picked a major and took classes and joined activities to prepare me for further education in college. And now I'm being told that it might not be my final path? That worries me a little, as it should for a lot of college students. Aren't we paying thousands of dollars a year to become educated in the area that we want to excel in and possibly have a future career in? At this moment I can't possibly imagine changing paths... but that's in my power, I have the power through prayer to help God guide me to the right path, the most successful path that addresses my needs and will make me most happiest. And I think that can sometimes be a difficult concept for some to grasp, I know it can be for me. Here I am, someone who has worked a majority of high school for what I'm going to accomplish in college, I want my path to be right. But who's to say that God doesn't have something else in mind? Sometimes we need to take a step back and let God lead us, guide us to the end of the tunnel.

I think this song, "Between the Raindrops" ---->
by Lifehouse best suits this. Change can be a scary concept. Change to a new school, a job change, moving, a new year, new goals, regardless of the change, it's difficult. But God is always with us, walking through every tear, every smile, every laugh, every pain, every raindrop in our lives. He's constantly there reminding us that his love is unconditional and the promising light at the end. One quote I love is "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end." Sometimes I give up on myself too easily, I think that once I've failed I can't redeem myself or get back up. But that should never be the case, it's never too late to get back up, it's never too late to redeem yourself, and it's never too late to accept Christ into your life, because he's always there.

My challenge: Redeem yourself in something that you thought you should give up on: finish that book you thought you couldn't finish, join the club you never got to join, do something :)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jerimiah 29:11
Regret nothing.

Bruises

Hi Everyone! :) I know its been a while, I've been super busy with graduation and all the roller coaster hills that come with that and I almost forgot to take a deep breath and take in everything that has happened to me. There are always those times when it gets to be so difficult and you just want to quit everything. There are times I feel like falling asleep and never waking up. But then what do I have to live for? Those one in a million times when someone or something brings you down to the point where you don't think you can get back up and every little thing seems to tear you back down... Those are the times when God and prayer are most important. I feel like everyone can relate to this feeling at one point. Whether it be school, friends, work, economic issues, etc that slow or tear you down, God always has a plan and a way to keep you back on your feet. Everyone is alike in this way.

Actually, to go down a different path, I think our similarities bring out our differences. We as humans are so complex that it can be to our disadvantage. We seem to have established throughout the generations that the more different you are from the majority, the more "unwanted" and looked down upon you become. We see it everyday: race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, occupation, education, etc... all sorts of factors now attribute to banishment or discouragement from the "higher society". I don't know why we've come to establish this "higher society" but it has nonetheless happened. Another curious thing I've come to notice in people is that we try to "compete" for the better...or I guess in this case worse sob story. Why?? What's the point? What do we gain? Bragging rights to a less fortunate life than others? Other's pity and sorrow for something we're ashamed of? It doesn't make any sense... But instead of helping others out of their sorrow and shame, we instead have to prove that we have more of a pathetic story that deserves more attention until it's a never-ending vicious cycle battling out which situations are the most saddest.

Lately I've been really attached to the song "Bruises" by Train (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmXaaEvnnOQ). It's an interaction between two old friends, who basically are going over all the negatives in their life since they last saw each other. They both realize that "Everybody loses, we've all got bruises." I think we can all reflect on this when we start comparing our hardships with others... We all go through similar emotions and the thing that sets others apart is how well they can get through the storm and move on, because in the end, we're all one in the same. We all have the commonality of being human, making mistakes, messing up, experiencing tragic events, going through pain, suffering and then there are those joyous times that make up for the pain. But God made us all with the vision on unity. I know I've made mistakes, we all make them, but we have to learn to forgive, learn, heal, and love. Colossians 3:13-14
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

My challenge: forgive someone that you haven't been able to forgive, for whatever the issue is, because we all have bruises and scars in our lives. Find something relatable in someone you might not necessarily get along with. Opposites find their strongest attractions when they work together. But mostly regret nothing. Live with God, for God, throughout God eternally.